Today was the end of my two months of volunteering at Nirmal Hriday, Mother Teresa's Home for the Dying and Destitute. The time has passed so quickly, yet I feel like I've grown to know some of the patients very well, which made for some tough goodbyes.
The man in Bed #11 laughed a lot today, which was so nice to see. He also pointed out the small lump under his right nipple that has been bothering him. He's been showing it to me for two weeks now. The nurse and sisters keep telling me it's nothing. Marcus, the volunteer doctor from Australia, believes it may be cancer and would normally do an ultrasound and biopsy, but the likelihood of that happening here are pretty slim. Pilar, the Spanish volunteer that does some physical therapy with the patients, mentioned the lump to Sister Teresina again today and she promised to have the doctor look at it when he comes in tomorrow for his weekly visit. I just hope they are able to find his family and he is able to go home and see a doctor there. When I told him it was my last day, he said he wanted to come with me. I just rubbed his head one last time and looked into his eyes and said goodbye... he knew he wasn't coming with me.
Hamit was feeling so-so today. He didn't want any biscuits when I brought them to him, which was unusual. I gave him short massages every time I could get away from other duties today. I wonder what will happen to him... I think his wounds will heal, but will he ever regain the strength to walk on his own or will he ever get out of there or be transferred to another facility? When the time came to say goodbye, I called Sunil over to translate to be sure he understood me. When Sunil told him, he looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said, "stay." It broke my heart and I tried not to cry. He then pretty much shut down and didn't want to talk about it. I leaned over and gave him a big hug, rubbed his head, said goodbye and walked away, fighting back tears.
The last patient I said goodbye to was Swapon. He was actually feeling much better today and seemed to be in a great mood. I had mention to him yesterday that today would be my last day... so it wasn't a surprise to him. I was so happy to come in and be greeted with such a big smile. Sunil and I put him in a wheelchair and move in into the open room. I keep adjusting him every time I walked by and he said, "up!" I asked a new volunteer Julian, a strapping young med student from California here on his first day, to help me carry him and put him in Pilar's massage chair. When that was finished Julian and I moved him back into the wheelchair. A little later he asked me to straighten out his right arm that is bent at the elbow. He actually started to move his arm on his own, which I had never seen him do before, so that was very exciting! I fed him biscuits, snapping them into small pieces and dunking them into a cup of water to soften them... just enjoying our time together as much as possible on this last day. After lunch he was back in bed and I went over to say goodbye. Again, I was greeted with a big smile. First, he needed to pee, so i got a urinal and helped him with that. We then said our goodbyes, l kissed him on the forehead and got up and waved goodbye. Still holding back tears, I looked back and he was still smiling. I waved, turned and walked away. I will always wonder what will happen to him. How will he live out the rest of his days? He's only in his 40s. I hope to return to Calcutta next year and while I don't want to find him still at Kalighat, I do hope to find him somewhere else... happy and in a comfortable place with caring people around him treating him very well. I would do it myself if I could.
I came here to Calcutta to help those that are suffering and in need. I gave it my all and it was an amazing journey. I wish I could have done more. I hope to be able to come back regularly, maybe two weeks a year, or whatever i can manage. This place, while far from perfect, will always be special to me and the men that touched my life will always stay with me. I wish them peace and love. Goodbye, for now.
The man in Bed #11 laughed a lot today, which was so nice to see. He also pointed out the small lump under his right nipple that has been bothering him. He's been showing it to me for two weeks now. The nurse and sisters keep telling me it's nothing. Marcus, the volunteer doctor from Australia, believes it may be cancer and would normally do an ultrasound and biopsy, but the likelihood of that happening here are pretty slim. Pilar, the Spanish volunteer that does some physical therapy with the patients, mentioned the lump to Sister Teresina again today and she promised to have the doctor look at it when he comes in tomorrow for his weekly visit. I just hope they are able to find his family and he is able to go home and see a doctor there. When I told him it was my last day, he said he wanted to come with me. I just rubbed his head one last time and looked into his eyes and said goodbye... he knew he wasn't coming with me.
Hamit was feeling so-so today. He didn't want any biscuits when I brought them to him, which was unusual. I gave him short massages every time I could get away from other duties today. I wonder what will happen to him... I think his wounds will heal, but will he ever regain the strength to walk on his own or will he ever get out of there or be transferred to another facility? When the time came to say goodbye, I called Sunil over to translate to be sure he understood me. When Sunil told him, he looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said, "stay." It broke my heart and I tried not to cry. He then pretty much shut down and didn't want to talk about it. I leaned over and gave him a big hug, rubbed his head, said goodbye and walked away, fighting back tears.
The last patient I said goodbye to was Swapon. He was actually feeling much better today and seemed to be in a great mood. I had mention to him yesterday that today would be my last day... so it wasn't a surprise to him. I was so happy to come in and be greeted with such a big smile. Sunil and I put him in a wheelchair and move in into the open room. I keep adjusting him every time I walked by and he said, "up!" I asked a new volunteer Julian, a strapping young med student from California here on his first day, to help me carry him and put him in Pilar's massage chair. When that was finished Julian and I moved him back into the wheelchair. A little later he asked me to straighten out his right arm that is bent at the elbow. He actually started to move his arm on his own, which I had never seen him do before, so that was very exciting! I fed him biscuits, snapping them into small pieces and dunking them into a cup of water to soften them... just enjoying our time together as much as possible on this last day. After lunch he was back in bed and I went over to say goodbye. Again, I was greeted with a big smile. First, he needed to pee, so i got a urinal and helped him with that. We then said our goodbyes, l kissed him on the forehead and got up and waved goodbye. Still holding back tears, I looked back and he was still smiling. I waved, turned and walked away. I will always wonder what will happen to him. How will he live out the rest of his days? He's only in his 40s. I hope to return to Calcutta next year and while I don't want to find him still at Kalighat, I do hope to find him somewhere else... happy and in a comfortable place with caring people around him treating him very well. I would do it myself if I could.
I came here to Calcutta to help those that are suffering and in need. I gave it my all and it was an amazing journey. I wish I could have done more. I hope to be able to come back regularly, maybe two weeks a year, or whatever i can manage. This place, while far from perfect, will always be special to me and the men that touched my life will always stay with me. I wish them peace and love. Goodbye, for now.
Thank you SO MUCH for writing this blog while you were in India. xoxo
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